(to m) you left so much pain unto me which i unearthed with brae tonight but i also got to remember all of the joy i felt through the living through so many different hearts . i forgot that i have enough material to fill many tomes. you were the mountain and i remembered it tonight amid a juxtaposition of fresh pain at past joy and fresh reminders, green with hope, that i am bigger than this and my happiness is worth immeasurably more than the pain of remembering you and what goes along with that, the sin of thinking i could control any of it. you weren’t ready for me. my goal should be making sure that stays so