hell yeah, we make waves in each others lives.

gotta stock up on my useful delusions

at a sports bar watching the lions game. the bartender asked me if i wanted a refill and i said, “no, thank you.” he immediately reeled back and said, “oh damn, i’ll just go fuck myself then, that was cold,” something along those lines. i was confused, insisting i had said thank you, that i had manners. when the attention turned, i said to ava, small and quiet, “there’s something wrong with me.” “no, there’s not,” she said, but then we all got distracted with something else.

the worst day i’ve had in a while. i can’t stop thinking about the way i come off to others. should i even keep trying to be pleasant? it’s not even working. maybe it won’t hurt so bad if i just let myself be monstrous. anyway, i’m not allowed to drink coffee ever again. it sent me on a day-long spiral this time.