how do i navigate a world in which i am loved?

i wasn’t suicidal because i wanted to die. in fact, i wanted so desperately to live, and i knew the life i saw around me wasn’t for me. i’m felt trapped in that, so disappearing would be a relief from the dry endless suffering of a hollow existence. at the core of all this, my adolescent aches reflected a gemstone desire to LIVE.

i didn’t even cry after disappointment.